I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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