i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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