My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
