so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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