The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it penis luge time yet?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
