I cockslap morals
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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