you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize