you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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