did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
