Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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