If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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