i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
