The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
