Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize