I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
