I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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