a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
