Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
