I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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