My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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