Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize