Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
