I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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