I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
