i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
