and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
