youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize