i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
