are you still at the devil's house?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
