I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it was like eating out sand paper
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
