If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
