No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
