I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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