i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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