we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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