just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
