Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
