Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize