That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she pinky promised me she was 18
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
