im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
