Yo dont text me then not text me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
