He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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