I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
