Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
