My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
