you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize