lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
