Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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