3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
