Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
