Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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