he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
