Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
