So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
