Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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