She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
