I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
