It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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