So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
