Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
