My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I still have a little drunk in my system
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
