In the future we'll all be gay
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
