yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
