U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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