everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
