I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
