She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize