I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
