i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
